November 10

It's been 5 whole months since she's left. In honor of my mom, I'm going to post a picture of her every 10th of the month to bring back memories of my own, and maybe they will bring back some memories about her to you, too.


This picture is 3 days into her chemo therapy.

November 8

In Language Arts, we are doing a project called "A special paper."
We have to choose a person, or an event that made us feel special. I'm going to share what  I wrote.

It had been weeks sense I had seen her. My heart pounded inside of me as I entered the Hospice doors. As I walked into the living room of Hospice I though to my self, “I really don’t want to be here.” I wanted to see my mom, just not here. Not when she was sick and dying. Even though I had thought that my final goodbye to her was a couple of weeks ago, my dad took me to say good bye to her again, because the last good-bye I said to my mom would have broken the heart of the worlds toughest criminal. I entered the door to her bedroom in Hospice. At this point, my heart was pounding hard. I didn’t know what she would look like. I had been told that she was very skinny, and her eyes were lazy. My dad approached her first, and I followed after him. Before we had entered Hospice, my dad told me that when she saw me, she would probably just stare at me, because she had no emotion. So, that’s what I was expecting.  I walked by her, and when she saw me, she gave me the biggest smile of the day. The smile was priceless. At that moment I felt more special that you could ever imagine. She reached out her arms to give me a hug, then she planted a little kiss on my cheek. I felt the tears streaming down my face one by one. I knew that this would be the last time I saw her, but I wasn’t allowed to cry. My dad told me that if I did, I would “bring her back.” It was kind of confusing, because the hospice workers told us that my mom was “Halfway to Heaven.” That means that she was trying to hard to just, open her eyes, and see Jesus. But when she opened her eyes, it was us. She got so sick and tired of opening her eyes to the hospice room, that one time she said to my dad, “ugh. Whenever I open my eyes it’s you! I just want to see Jesus!” My dad had to laugh at that. My mom had sarcasm her whole life, even at the end of it. Sometimes I swear I can still hear her sarcasm, just around the corner. I feel her presence around me everyday. Being smiled at, being hugged, being in the presence of your mother who is near death, may not seem so special, but to me, it was. I felt as if nothing else in the world mattered, I just wanted my mom to have a peaceful death, and she did. She took one last gasp or air, and a second later she was running toward Jesus. The thought of that is so amazing, I can’t even put it into words. Having the right to say that my mom is celebrating with the Lord, right now, makes me feel so special. 

October 29

wow. that's all i've gotta say! this school year is flying by soooo fast! The 2nd quarter starts Monday.
I went to Double JJ Ranch (indoor water park) last night and had a BLAST. My Friend and I went down the "toilet" ride (that's what we call it), and we got stuck. I had to get out of the tube-and pull us. it was fun though ;) For Halloween, Emily is being a Lion, Nathan is being a Ware Wolf, and I'm being a Dragon Ninja! I hope my dad does something fun like he did last year, and the year before. Last year he hid in a wood holder that's on our front porch, then hopped out at the people who came to get candy. He made a little girl cry. . . ;)


We went to Art Prize a couple weeks ago with my moms side of the family to support my Uncle
Kevin-so here are some pictures that were took:

October 12

I love you mom.  I miss you more than you can ever imagine. 
I can't wait for the day that I will see you again.  

October 1

Happy October!

We're all doing pretty well over here. My dad is SUPER busy at work. I get at least 2 hours of homework from school a day. (I'm not looking forward to doing it today... we got bombarded this weekend!) Even Emily is getting some homework, oh the days, when homework was as easy as hers.. ;) Last night, I slept at my friends house-we had a blast! We made Music videos, and took pictures, it was amazingly fun ;) 

September 18

Dear Mom,
the flowers fell, one by one
onto your casket they would land
it seems like it was yesterday
i was with you, holding your hand
though we may be far away
i feel your presence, everyday
i know your watching down on me
i hope you're proud of who I turn out to be
I wish I could talk to you one more time
because I want you to know, that you sure shined.
Love, Ashley

A writing

This is something I wrote when I was sitting by my mom when she was still at our house in her Hospice bed. 

The best mother you could ever ask for, is right here.

From birth, to now, she has been here. She has guided me, and helped me. It’s tough to see her go. She’s my mother. She means the world to me. She will never be able to see me grow up and get married. She will never get the chance to have grand kids. She will never get the chance to sit in the retirement chairs with my dad. She’s got a few days to live. Cancer is harsh, especially the kind she has. Ovarian cancer. All day long, she sits in the hospice bed. All day long, I worry about her, but all day long, God is with her. God has a plan for her, and our whole family. When my mom enters the gates of heaven, God will say to her “Job well done, my good and faithful servant”. Then, she will go sit and play cards with my grandma Demot. When she’s done playing a card game, she will find Uncle Eric, and run and jump around with him. We will miss her, we will miss her a lot. It is going to be hard growing up without her. It will be hard trying to explain to my own kids, that their grandma died when I was just 13 years old. My little sister never really got to know my mom, or have any serious talks with her own mom, because she is too young, and it will be too late. My brother has to grow up without having a mom to be right beside him. My dad has to move on in life without having his best friend, his wife, with him. My mom is the strongest person you will ever meet. She’s not even scared, one bit. She’s excited to go and see Jesus, and to sit on his lap. She has a positive attitude, even when she’s in so much pain. She is the one telling us not to worry, when we should be the ones telling her not to worry. She has a very strong faith in Christ, and I believe that Jesus has been walking her through her life every step of the way, and that Jesus has been carrying her every single step she has taken. I believe that there are angels surrounding her right now, clapping their hands and shouting for joy, because they know that she has filled her life to the fullest, and is now going to go and be with her great and faithful Father up above, forever. When I enter the gates of heaven, I’m going run, and give my mom a hug again, because I’m going to miss her giving me hugs every morning. There is not a better feeling than having your moms arms wrapped around you, and having her tell you that everything is all right. It’s not fair that Nathan, Emily, or I have to live many years without having our very own mom wrap her arms around us. Without God, life would seem impossible. God has taken care of our family through this whole adventure, and he will never let us go. His arms will stay wrapped tight around us each and every day. Even though He is taking our mother away from us, we still have to trust him, because we know that he is not taking mom away from us just to make us mad. He is taking her away from us so that we can be encouraged to make other people Christians, by telling them our story. He used my mom to make other’s people stories change. God sure changed the way we live, and I hope that others are inspired by us, and choose to live their life to the fullest by praising and honoring God every moment of their life, and in every breath they take. God is truly amazing, and he has a reason for everything that he does. Sometimes it takes time to figure out the reason of something that he does. I think I have figured out the reason that God is taking my mom away from us. He wanted to use her to make other people learn her story, and then realize how powerful He really is. Everyone should get a chance to learn about God, and many people have gotten that chance through my very own mother. She is my role-model, and I’m very proud to say that she’s my mom.