Sunday, September 4, 2011

A writing


This is something I wrote when I was sitting by my mom when she was still at our house in her Hospice bed. 

The best mother you could ever ask for, is right here.
From birth, to now, she has been here. She has guided me, and helped me. It’s tough to see her go. She’s my mother. She means the world to me. She will never be able to see me grow up and get married. She will never get the chance to have grand kids. She will never get the chance to sit in the retirement chairs with my dad. She’s got a few days to live. Cancer is harsh, especially the kind she has. Ovarian cancer. All day long, she sits in the hospice bed. All day long, I worry about her, but all day long, God is with her. God has a plan for her, and our whole family. When my mom enters the gates of heaven, God will say to her “Job well done, my good and faithful servant”. Then, she will go sit and play cards with my grandma Demot. When she’s done playing a card game, she will find Uncle Eric, and run and jump around with him. We will miss her, we will miss her a lot. It is going to be hard growing up without her. It will be hard trying to explain to my own kids, that their grandma died when I was just 13 years old. My little sister never really got to know my mom, or have any serious talks with her own mom, because she is too young, and it will be too late. My brother has to grow up without having a mom to be right beside him. My dad has to move on in life without having his best friend, his wife, with him. My mom is the strongest person you will ever meet. She’s not even scared, one bit. She’s excited to go and see Jesus, and to sit on his lap. She has a positive attitude, even when she’s in so much pain. She is the one telling us not to worry, when we should be the ones telling her not to worry. She has a very strong faith in Christ, and I believe that Jesus has been walking her through her life every step of the way, and that Jesus has been carrying her every single step she has taken. I believe that there are angels surrounding her right now, clapping their hands and shouting for joy, because they know that she has filled her life to the fullest, and is now going to go and be with her great and faithful Father up above, forever. When I enter the gates of heaven, I’m going run, and give my mom a hug again, because I’m going to miss her giving me hugs every morning. There is not a better feeling than having your moms arms wrapped around you, and having her tell you that everything is all right. It’s not fair that Nathan, Emily, or I have to live many years without having our very own mom wrap her arms around us. Without God, life would seem impossible. God has taken care of our family through this whole adventure, and he will never let us go. His arms will stay wrapped tight around us each and every day. Even though He is taking our mother away from us, we still have to trust him, because we know that he is not taking mom away from us just to make us mad. He is taking her away from us so that we can be encouraged to make other people Christians, by telling them our story. He used my mom to make other’s people stories change. God sure changed the way we live, and I hope that others are inspired by us, and choose to live their life to the fullest by praising and honoring God every moment of their life, and in every breath they take. God is truly amazing, and he has a reason for everything that he does. Sometimes it takes time to figure out the reason of something that he does. I think I have figured out the reason that God is taking my mom away from us. He wanted to use her to make other people learn her story, and then realize how powerful He really is. Everyone should get a chance to learn about God, and many people have gotten that chance through my very own mother. She is my role-model, and I’m very proud to say that she’s my mom.                                  

5 comments:

  1. Beautifully written, Ashley. You're wise beyond your years. Not only did your Mom change many lives and grow the faith of so many people (many she didn't even personally know), now you are carrying on that legacy. Your Mom is, I'm sure, so very proud of you. May God continue to bless you and your family . . .

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  2. I do not know you at all and stumbled on this website from someplace else. I just wanted to tell you that I like your writing style. You are a very good writer. You express your thoughts very clearly. I know this because I have been in your shoes. I was almost 13 when my dad died of cancer. I know exactly what you are feeling and you are handling it very well even if you don't think so sometimes. Take care of yourself, do what you need to do to remember your Mom. I think she loved you very much and I can read that you also loved her. I wish you all the best in the years ahead and I'm sure your Mom is with you every day!

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  3. Hi, I don't know your family, but by reading that I know how you feel. You use the best words and should be a writer when you grow up.

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  4. Ashley, this is so beautifully written. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with all of us. Like someone else said in their comment, you are carrying on where your mom left off - shining for Jesus!

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  5. I have been reading a lot of blogs by people dealing with grief as my husband has ALS (I found your blog through Lori's). Your writing really encourages me because it gives me hope for my kids (who are young now - ages 5 & 3). I hope that that will be able to face our situation with the same courage and honesty that you are -- that God will work in them and use them as he is working in you and using you. Hang in there!

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