December 25

If you were here on Christmas

I dedicate this to my mom up in Heaven.  

I wish I could see you

I wish you were here

today wasn’t the same

because you weren’t near

I heard God speak to me

He told me it was alright

He said that I can cry

and he will hold me up, with all his might. 

Jesus held me up 

he swiped me off the ground

He held me in his arms

He never let me down

Though you were not here

I thought of you all day

I wish you were here now,

on Christmas night,

so that you could embrace me in your arms

and say, goodnight. 

Merry Christmas!! 

December 24

Please keep us in your prayers this season, I can see already that my dad is getting a little worried about how it's going to go without my mom this year. 

Merry Christmas! :) 

December 19

For my school we are doing an 8th grade play. The play is The Lion, The Witch, and the Wardrobe.   Tryouts were today, and I really wanted to be Lucy... but I didn't get her part. But... I still got a part, and so I'm still really excited to be apart of the play. Tomorrow is our Christmas chapel at school, and I have a solo to the song "Christmas Offering." It's a really neat song.  Please pray for my dad because he is super busy at work. He told us that last time he checked he was around 120 email behind.... so keep him in your prayers :)
Also, I know this is a couple days late... but Happy Birthday Mom.

December 10

It's been exactly 6 months science she's left.This picture literally brought me to tears when I first saw it. Emily at the age of 7 losing her mom.... just doesn't seem right.

November 10

It's been 5 whole months since she's left. In honor of my mom, I'm going to post a picture of her every 10th of the month to bring back memories of my own, and maybe they will bring back some memories about her to you, too.


This picture is 3 days into her chemo therapy.

November 8

In Language Arts, we are doing a project called "A special paper."
We have to choose a person, or an event that made us feel special. I'm going to share what  I wrote.

It had been weeks sense I had seen her. My heart pounded inside of me as I entered the Hospice doors. As I walked into the living room of Hospice I though to my self, “I really don’t want to be here.” I wanted to see my mom, just not here. Not when she was sick and dying. Even though I had thought that my final goodbye to her was a couple of weeks ago, my dad took me to say good bye to her again, because the last good-bye I said to my mom would have broken the heart of the worlds toughest criminal. I entered the door to her bedroom in Hospice. At this point, my heart was pounding hard. I didn’t know what she would look like. I had been told that she was very skinny, and her eyes were lazy. My dad approached her first, and I followed after him. Before we had entered Hospice, my dad told me that when she saw me, she would probably just stare at me, because she had no emotion. So, that’s what I was expecting.  I walked by her, and when she saw me, she gave me the biggest smile of the day. The smile was priceless. At that moment I felt more special that you could ever imagine. She reached out her arms to give me a hug, then she planted a little kiss on my cheek. I felt the tears streaming down my face one by one. I knew that this would be the last time I saw her, but I wasn’t allowed to cry. My dad told me that if I did, I would “bring her back.” It was kind of confusing, because the hospice workers told us that my mom was “Halfway to Heaven.” That means that she was trying to hard to just, open her eyes, and see Jesus. But when she opened her eyes, it was us. She got so sick and tired of opening her eyes to the hospice room, that one time she said to my dad, “ugh. Whenever I open my eyes it’s you! I just want to see Jesus!” My dad had to laugh at that. My mom had sarcasm her whole life, even at the end of it. Sometimes I swear I can still hear her sarcasm, just around the corner. I feel her presence around me everyday. Being smiled at, being hugged, being in the presence of your mother who is near death, may not seem so special, but to me, it was. I felt as if nothing else in the world mattered, I just wanted my mom to have a peaceful death, and she did. She took one last gasp or air, and a second later she was running toward Jesus. The thought of that is so amazing, I can’t even put it into words. Having the right to say that my mom is celebrating with the Lord, right now, makes me feel so special. 

October 29

wow. that's all i've gotta say! this school year is flying by soooo fast! The 2nd quarter starts Monday.
I went to Double JJ Ranch (indoor water park) last night and had a BLAST. My Friend and I went down the "toilet" ride (that's what we call it), and we got stuck. I had to get out of the tube-and pull us. it was fun though ;) For Halloween, Emily is being a Lion, Nathan is being a Ware Wolf, and I'm being a Dragon Ninja! I hope my dad does something fun like he did last year, and the year before. Last year he hid in a wood holder that's on our front porch, then hopped out at the people who came to get candy. He made a little girl cry. . . ;)


We went to Art Prize a couple weeks ago with my moms side of the family to support my Uncle
Kevin-so here are some pictures that were took:

October 12

I love you mom.  I miss you more than you can ever imagine. 
I can't wait for the day that I will see you again.  

October 1

Happy October!

We're all doing pretty well over here. My dad is SUPER busy at work. I get at least 2 hours of homework from school a day. (I'm not looking forward to doing it today... we got bombarded this weekend!) Even Emily is getting some homework, oh the days, when homework was as easy as hers.. ;) Last night, I slept at my friends house-we had a blast! We made Music videos, and took pictures, it was amazingly fun ;) 

September 18

Dear Mom,
the flowers fell, one by one
onto your casket they would land
it seems like it was yesterday
i was with you, holding your hand
though we may be far away
i feel your presence, everyday
i know your watching down on me
i hope you're proud of who I turn out to be
I wish I could talk to you one more time
because I want you to know, that you sure shined.
Love, Ashley

A writing

This is something I wrote when I was sitting by my mom when she was still at our house in her Hospice bed. 

The best mother you could ever ask for, is right here.

From birth, to now, she has been here. She has guided me, and helped me. It’s tough to see her go. She’s my mother. She means the world to me. She will never be able to see me grow up and get married. She will never get the chance to have grand kids. She will never get the chance to sit in the retirement chairs with my dad. She’s got a few days to live. Cancer is harsh, especially the kind she has. Ovarian cancer. All day long, she sits in the hospice bed. All day long, I worry about her, but all day long, God is with her. God has a plan for her, and our whole family. When my mom enters the gates of heaven, God will say to her “Job well done, my good and faithful servant”. Then, she will go sit and play cards with my grandma Demot. When she’s done playing a card game, she will find Uncle Eric, and run and jump around with him. We will miss her, we will miss her a lot. It is going to be hard growing up without her. It will be hard trying to explain to my own kids, that their grandma died when I was just 13 years old. My little sister never really got to know my mom, or have any serious talks with her own mom, because she is too young, and it will be too late. My brother has to grow up without having a mom to be right beside him. My dad has to move on in life without having his best friend, his wife, with him. My mom is the strongest person you will ever meet. She’s not even scared, one bit. She’s excited to go and see Jesus, and to sit on his lap. She has a positive attitude, even when she’s in so much pain. She is the one telling us not to worry, when we should be the ones telling her not to worry. She has a very strong faith in Christ, and I believe that Jesus has been walking her through her life every step of the way, and that Jesus has been carrying her every single step she has taken. I believe that there are angels surrounding her right now, clapping their hands and shouting for joy, because they know that she has filled her life to the fullest, and is now going to go and be with her great and faithful Father up above, forever. When I enter the gates of heaven, I’m going run, and give my mom a hug again, because I’m going to miss her giving me hugs every morning. There is not a better feeling than having your moms arms wrapped around you, and having her tell you that everything is all right. It’s not fair that Nathan, Emily, or I have to live many years without having our very own mom wrap her arms around us. Without God, life would seem impossible. God has taken care of our family through this whole adventure, and he will never let us go. His arms will stay wrapped tight around us each and every day. Even though He is taking our mother away from us, we still have to trust him, because we know that he is not taking mom away from us just to make us mad. He is taking her away from us so that we can be encouraged to make other people Christians, by telling them our story. He used my mom to make other’s people stories change. God sure changed the way we live, and I hope that others are inspired by us, and choose to live their life to the fullest by praising and honoring God every moment of their life, and in every breath they take. God is truly amazing, and he has a reason for everything that he does. Sometimes it takes time to figure out the reason of something that he does. I think I have figured out the reason that God is taking my mom away from us. He wanted to use her to make other people learn her story, and then realize how powerful He really is. Everyone should get a chance to learn about God, and many people have gotten that chance through my very own mother. She is my role-model, and I’m very proud to say that she’s my mom.                                  

August 14

Summer is going by so fast! school starts in 15 days! :( well, at least it does for the people who go to Holland Christian. Here are some more Colorado pictures. 

If you ever need a babysitter, (if you know us) feel free to shoot me an email, or give me a call! My email is ashler42@hollandchristian.org and our phone number is 1616-795-9877. I love to be with kids, and I took a certified babysitting class a couple years ago. I have had lots of practice on my siblings ;)  I don't drive (YET!), so I will need to be picked up if you want me to  baby-sit.

Augest 7

okay, so I know it's been over a month sense I've posted, but I have been EXTREMELY busy! I went to camp, then I went to Colorado, Then I did VBS for a week, and I just got back from a mission trip to Wisconsin with the youth group. I had so much fun in Wisconsin, we went to nursing homes, we went and sorted clothes and stuff at goodwill, and we also went fishing with people who have disabilities.

Here are some pictures that I took of my trip to Colorado.

July 2

I just got back from Camp Geneva yesterday, and I had a blast! I got to go blogging, zip-lining, and swimming! I also had an amazing counselor! I went with a cabin full of girls that I had already known from school, so I knew everyone in the cabin, even the counselor because I had her last year also :) On July 9, I leave for Colorado with my cousins youth group. We are going white water rafting, hiking, and all that fun stuff ;) I get back the 17th, and then on the 18th I am going to cedar point with the youth group. I'll also be 14 on the 24th!

Please pray for peace and comfort for our family as we battle this hard time, we really need the prayers.

She meets Jesus

Yesterday, I went to the relay for life event at the WO high school track. This is an event where you walk around the track, and raise money to find a cure for cancer. At 11:00pm, there is a event called Mr.Relay, that event was first starting when my neighbors mom called me back to the tent. When I went to the tent, I saw my dad standing there in tears. His words that he spoke to me were devastating. "She's gone". My mom, is gone. She is with Jesus. She is cancer free. I could have chose to go to the hospice home with my dad, but I wanted to stay. I promised my mom a while back that I would walk around the track so many times, just for her. I walked 15 miles in a 24 hour period.
I love my mom, but she is with Jesus, in a much better place. We have to remember to be happy for her, and not mourn for her loss.

"You can shed tears that she is gone, or you can smile because she has lived. You can close your eyes and pray that she'll come back, or you can open your eyes and see all she's left. Your heart can be empty because you can't see her, or you can be full of the love you shared. You can turn your back on tomorrow and live yesterday, or you can be happy for tomorrow because of yesterday. You can remember her only that she is gone, or you can cherish her memory and let it live on. You can cry and close your mind, be empty and turn your back, or you can do what she'd want: smile, open your eyes, love an go on."

Those are some words of advice that my friend gave me a while back.

visiting my mom

Tonight, I went to visit my mom. At first, she didn't see me, she just saw my dad. When she saw me, her eyes lit up, and she gave me the biggest smile ever. My dad said that it was the biggest smile that she has given all day! I got to talk to her, and tell her the awards I won at school, and she even responded. When I left the room so my dad could talk to her, my mom said to my dad "Bring Ashley here was the best decision you have ever made." I'm going to miss her.

June 2

TOMORROW IS THE LAST DAY OF SCHOOL!!! AND IT'S A HALF DAY!
I'm SO excited for it to be summer... but we still have to do homework over the summer... we have to read.. UGH... (reading is not one of my hobbies..) along with the reading... we have to write a book report. I like writing... but NOT book reports!
Anyways, were all doing pretty good over here, my grandparents have been here for a while, and are staying until my dad can stay here with Nathan, Emily and I. My mom has been in the hospice home for 8 days, hopefully God will bring her home soon.

June 1

Well, my mom is still here, resting peacefully in the hospice bed. I hope God takes her tonight. My mom use to love to write poems. My dad posted a poem that she wrote to her grandma when she was nearing her final stages. If you haven't read my dads blog yet, here it is:

Final Goodbye

.

Death is such a difficult thing

and so hard to comprehend.

So many broken hearts

that do not quickly mend.

 .

I just don’t understand

why people have to die.

It grieves my heart so badly

to see my family cry.

.

I know that death is better

than living here on earth,

for our treasure is in heaven

after that miraculous rebirth.

 .

The pain I feel right now

will slowly fade away,

but the memories I have of you grandma –

they are here to stay.

Here is a poem that I recently wrote for my mom:

Oh, the memories we have together,

I sure do wish they could last forever.

I don't understand why God is calling you home,

but there is a reason, that is for now, unknown.

We always walked together, but now we must part.

I want you to know, that you are always, in my heart.

Tuesday, May 31

My dad came home tonight! I was so excited to see him!
My grandma took me to get a haircut tonight. I don't have to study for any exams/tests because my amazing teachers let me be exempt. I was not at school most of last week, because I was spending time with my mom. My teachers said that since I wasn't there, I could skip them, due to our circumstances. I'm so glad I go to a Christian school!
Anyway, my mom is showing more signs that her time is coming soon. If you haven't read my parents blog yet, my dad said that my mom's face is getting thinner, and her arms are getting bonier. Please pray that her death will be peaceful.

Job 5:9 "He performs wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted."

May 30

Well, my mom is still here..... and she really wants to go. We want her to go, but we also want her to stay. We want her to be out of pain, but we want her here to be a mother, and a wife. Everyday, she sits around waiting for God to take her home. She has been waiting for a week, we don't know what's going on, but we know that she won't be here much longer.
One of my moms favorite songs was "Healing Begins." I really encourage you to listen to it, it's a really great song.

Today, we went to the beach with my cousins, and we had a really fun time! Emily dug in the sand and made a HUGE letter T. I don't know why she made a T of all letters.... but she was content, so it was all good!

Keep the prayers comin'

Please pray your hardest for my mom tonight. I left the hospice home tonight not knowing if I will be able to talk to my mom again. She is excited to see Jesus, and we are all excited for her, but we're also going to miss her. My dad stayed at the Hospice home with her, and I'm at my house with my Aunt Lori. Nathan and Emily are spending the night at our friends. Please pray for peace for my mom, as she will be soon be going to see Jesus.

May 22

We went all soccer season without being defeated! I missed that last 2 games because I was sick, though. :(
On Friday the 13th, I got kicked really hard in in the ankle, convenient, huh?  Anyway, it has a variety of colors. It's been purple, red, yellow, green, and even pink and swollen.
Tonight was really fun because my cousins came over, and my Camp Geneva councilor from 2 years ago even came over to say hi!
Please keep my mom in your prayers as she is nearing her ends. Please pray that God will keep her out of horrible pain, and replace the pain with joy and peace.

SCHOOL GETS OUT IN 8.5 DAYS!

Monday, May 2

I had another soccer game today, and we won! We are undefeated! Today, I took down a girl twice the size as me! My coach told me that I'm getting more and more aggressive. ;)

Emily loves photo booth, so here are some pictures of me and her! :)

Emily recently lost her 2 front teeth!

Yes, I let my dog lick me in the mouth. It drives my mom INSANE!!! 

 Emily loves the "mirror image" effect. 

April 19

So, again, I haven't updated in a while...
Everyday I get home from soccer at around 5:30, then I eat dinner and it gets to be 6:00, and then I do homework and it gets to be 9:00. I'm supposed to be asleep by 9:00, (that never happens), so I never get time to update this blog. My goal from now on is to update it every Sunday after noon, because we usually have nothing going on then....


About 2 years ago our basement flooded. We just got it redone! here are some pictures of it.

The bathroom...

Our new Couch... We had to get a new one because the one we wanted to put down stairs didn't fit down stair case....

The kitchenette

My bed!!! I finally got my own room!

It is a trundle bed so that is a bed that pulls out from under :) 

:D

Sunday, March 27

It has been a long time since I have updated... but there is a reason! I somehow deleted the password that I need to update the blog, and I needed to get it back from my parents. I kept forgetting, and so finally, last night, I asked my mom for it, and now I am updating. The Fundraiser had a great turnout last night, over 700 people were there.  Emily got her face painted as a pink cat..... or maybe a tiger. I don't know what it was, but it was sure cute! =D

The February Bug

I have been told that the month that people are most likely to get sick is February. In my case, it's true. I woke up Saturday morning at a friends, feeling awfully cruddy, so they took me home. Sure enough, I had a fever, and some type of flue bug. My temp got all the way up to 104.1, but it's back down to 100.5 now. I'm going to have a lot of school work to catch up on! The only good thing about being sick, is being able to sleep in ;)
Here are some regular pictures of my siblings and me. :)

Friday, February 18

Job 5:9:
He preforms wonders that cannot be fathomed, miracles that cannot be counted.

That's one of my favorite verses, it helps me through hard times, and I hope it can help you too.

Please pray for my mom as her back is hurting a lot. Please pray for God to give her the strength to make it day by day.
This week/today has been pretty regular. Tonight, (actually, right now) I'm at one of my friends from school's house. We have had a lot of fun tonight. Here's one of the pictures that we took :)  

A poem for my mom

I wrote a poem for my mom a while ago, so here it is. I hope you enjoy it!

Oh, the memories we have together,
I sure do wish they could last forever.
I don't understand why God is calling you home,
but there is a reason, that is for now, unknown.
We always walked together, but now we must part.
I want you to know, that you are always, in my heart.

I made a slide show with family pictures in it. I played the piano in the background, and said this poem. I gave it to her a couple of nights ago.  

Monday

If you haven't noticed, this is kind of a picture blog, so in about every post I make, there will be a picture.  :) My brother and sister have a blast on photo booth, so why not put some of our pictures on? :)   My mom has been feeling really crummy lately, and she has a doctor appointment coming up soon. Please pray that she will feel better, and that this doctor appointment will go good. We don't have school this Friday or the following Monday, and tomorrow is confy day for the middle schoolers! :)    

Quick Update

Tomorrow my mom has her doctors appointment, please pray that that will go well and that they will get only good news.  Tomorrow is a snow day, they posted that online at 8:30 tonight! I'm really looking forward to 16 more inches of snow, and so are Nathan and Emily! My parents are not excited about it at all, especially my mom! :)

Sunday

Again, This week was pretty laid back. I baby-sat yesterday, and my mom told me that before I went to baby-sit, I had to clean my room. My friend decided that she wanted to help me, so she did! We decided that we wanted to switch the places of the desk, and the piano. My desk is 2 different parts, there is the top part, and the bottom part. They are not connected. After we slid the desk once, the top part of the desk got lose, and we didn't realize it. I went to vacuum all the dust that had been under the desk, and then when I was done I was crouching down to pick up the things that were too big to be vacuumed up. As I was crouching down, the top of the desk slid off the bottom of the desk, and fell on my head! (That doesn't happen everyday!) Thankfully, I think it hit the ground first, and then hit me. I got a big goose egg on the top of my head, but at least it wasn't too serious! Like my dad always says, "pain is weakness leaving the body!" 

My siblings and I decided to take a few pictures on my laptop today, so here are a few!!

Serious faces: 

 Nathan

 Emily

 Ashley

Nathan's back hurt after this picture... oops!

All 3 of us!

Saturday

This week was a pretty laid back week. We all either went to school, rested, worked, and usual stuff like that. We did get a snow day Tuesday! :) We (School of Holland Christian) had Friday off, so I went to my friends for the night, on Thursday. It was really fun. On Wednesday, I got to see my camp Geneva counselor, that was really fun! My siblings and I played out side this week a lot! My parents think were crazy, but we don't care!  We have fun making forts, sledding, and doing regular outside stuff!   Coming in for hot chocolate, is always the best way to end a day.

Today was just a regular day, we got up, went to school, got back, did homework, and so on. I did get to go to JP's with my 6th grade teacher, and that was fun. :) My mom's feeling good today, please pray for her as she goes to chemo Wednesday. Nathan, Emily and I are really hoping and praying there is a snow day tomorrow! That would be wonderful! I won't be updating this blog everyday, but whenever I find some extra time when I'm not doing homework I try and update it. I had a language art's project, and I had to take a picture for it, here's the picture!:

We love playing outside!

Sunday, January 16, 2011

This is the Rogalske family blog, and I (Ashley) am going to be running it most of the time. My parents have a blog, but their blog is mostly for how they are doing with the cancer. This blog is for me to keep you updated with how the whole family is doing, and what we do on a regular day.

I hope you enjoy it! :)